Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Media Event Binge

There is one free food and booze extravaganza I look forward to every year. To avoid googlation I will not mention it by name, but it has to do with the promotion of a bike race I'm involved with organizing.

Contrary to what you may think most news doesn't just happen and reporters somehow find out about it and report on it. Most news is manufactured in the form of press releases and media events where reporters are boozed up and entertained. That's how you get the press to talk about your business, shop, product, new book or whatever.

This Media Reception was at the Liberty Grand, and as you can see it was a pretty swank setup, and you can't even see the free booze and rows and rows of free food.

At these events there are basically three types of people: business people, media and "entertainers", and of course a few random douchebags. I might seem like only the latter, but I did have an official reason to be there. You can guess where Captain Abs. (below) fit in:

Also the photogs (like Doc Brown in the ballcap) are always the worst looking people at the events, but because they are the raison d'etre for the event itself, they get a free pass. Only the big wigs (who are actually paying for everything you see around you) are higher up on the pecking order (more on this later).

You can tell who's who by how they're dressed, and seeing some of these peeps and teir style was a real eye-opener.

Not to go all Manolo, but this dude's look was perfect. Not too formal, not trying too hard. The jacket was like a freakin' sculpture and not a hair out of place (though he did look like an ex-cop). This is how guys this age should dress.

It hasn't hit the thirty and forty-somethings you see around, but the rule is as you get older you have to dress better. A younger (or just better looking) person can get away with a lot, but an old guy with unwashed hair and stubble just looks like a dirty old man. Unfair I know.

The kind of embarrassing highlight of the show are the bikini girls.

A lot of them are hot, but all of them would stand out in any regular scenario. And not just because of the fake boobs. Everything from the colour of their eyes, skin and hair and their gangly arms and legs makes them look almost alien.

I kinda felt bad for the not-as-hot bikini girls; with the leathery skin and cantalope tits. There you are up there, all exposed, and you only look shiat because 17 yr.old Eva Longoria is next to you, but hell, you're still in better shape than 88% of the population, you'd like to see one of these people get up on stage and prance arond in a swimsuit.

Maybe because they are considered just eye-candy, or maybe because a most of them aren't even 20, but despite being the center of attention, the bikini girls are actually low in the pecking order. A hot chick not in the bikini contest, like a bartender or reporter or something, is almost guaranteed to be higher in the pecking order. The irony.

There were the bikini boys too, but they looked lost without Donatella Versace around.

Anyways, it's annual day to stuff myself with exotic foods and all the Portuguese beer I could (barely) handle. When the bar closed my buddy Jimmy somehow scored 12 cans of unopened beer. I could not stand the thought of two over-40 lawyers outdrinking me (though they each outweight me by 40 lbs.) so the damage continued in the parking lot.

I didn't sober up enough to make it to the bike race that night (but I did make it), though my alcohol dehydrated brain shrivelled into a prune. No side-effects other than a splitting headache for the next 8-12 hrs and feeling totally disgusted with myself. Good times!

Switching gears. We have our first World Cup highlight -- and the tournament hasn't even started yet.

England's Peter Crouch revives the robot dance. brillinat!

See the video HERE (35 sec.).



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