Sunday, January 29, 2006

Rainy Day Projects

I didn't have a tool that fit the spokes on the rear wheel of the fixie so I resorted to stepping on the wheel iteratively to smooth out the taco as best I could.

Before :


It was far from perfect, but at least I could assbike it to Value Village to shop for some material. I have two saddles that need some re-covering.

It would be easy to re-cover with some old piece of pleather, but I was looking for something a bit more unique. Something ... like this ...

maybe something animal or metallic or a superhero backpack... but nothing caught my eye. I did leave with the lampshade of my dreams though.

In local assbike news, some motorist got into a fight with a well known courier in Kensington Market and some bystander managed to snap pics of the whole thing (here).

Also, the weekend means it time for Assbike Song. I know should no longer be amazed that things I was into before I knew about the internet are on the internet; but I was happy to find that Mint Records has a pretty decent website with streaming music. Mint was home to a bunch of cool pop pop power-pop bands, like cub, Huevos Rancheros, the Smugglers.

The site has a buncha videos, including a Canadian classic Gump Worsley's Lament (by Huevos Rancheros) (kinda slow, btw. that dude that looks like your uncle Frank is Gump Worsley). But that's not even the song of the week. This week's Assbike tune is Freaky by cub (2.0 mb).

Ohyeah, it looks like I'll be going into Feb. with only 22 hrs in my legs, so it's no wonder everything's looking pear-shaped these days.

Greta wasn't too happy with the sculpture I made of her.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Hella Cold

The good weather couldn't last -- it was hellah cold today. But the hot hot summer race days aren't far away:

28 degrees. Canada Day. CHIN Picnic Criterium, Exhibition Place, Toronto. July 1, 2005.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Empanadas and Assbikes: Under one roof

A new place opened up in Kensignton that sells Assbikes and Empanadas -- Under One Roof.

You can read more about it Here.

Oh yeah. I did my first rain ride of the year tonight and the morans were out in full force. Oui dumbasseurs, if you walk out into traffic I Will Hit You, you should appreciate the lesson.

OhYeah. Yearly total : 21 hrs.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

BBQ Bike

This 2-seater Assbike w.grill was made by welding together two Assbikes and adding a charcoal grill up front. Spotted outside the Physics Bldg. earlier this week.

Looks like a definite DO. Thanks to Tim Chan for the pics.


Saturday, January 21, 2006

Election Day and Assbike Song

I got my vote on this week AND got a job working for Elections Canada on election day, June 23rd. Remember it's not to late if you want to vote, and I'lla take this opp to get some things cleared up:

-you don't need photo ID to vote

-you don't need to bring the voter card

-if you're on the voters list you don't need any ID at all

-if you're not on the voters list you need to register before voting, so you need to show something to tie together your name, address and signature. Driver's license would do it. Or an old license and a piece of mail.

-if you don't have that, someone on the voter's list can vouch for you, and you may vote.

That's noo shit. You can the right to vote simply based on someone else's word. Whad a country.

Polls are open from 9:30am to 9:30pm, so there's no reason to not get yr vote on. My poll will be at Bloor and Christie, right by this ol' tiger:

So if you're voting in Trinity Spadina I may see you.

Hopefully the warm winter of 2006 will continue -- global warming is the shit! I put in another 5 hrs the last two days.

Yearly total: 18 hrs.

And after a week's hiatus, Assbike Song is back. This week's tune is some Deetroit Philly Soul: I'm Coming Home by the Spinners (4.7 MB).


Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Stuck at 13

If Assbikin' has an enemey it's rain. But rainy days never scare me, and I find I actually like shitty weather, so long as it's not cold. Everyone stays inside and I feel like I own the city. So for me it was a beautiful day. And these penguins didn't mind it either :

They live in an alley close to my place. I don't know how many other cities have this, but Toronto has a whole network of alleys which is like a subversive network of roads for subversive assbikers or an underground art-gallery -- except it's not that secret cos everyone know about it. Still it's cool.

But it is also the Assbiker's Ikea, stocking nifty crap for Your Complete Asslife. Today's specials were these snazzy blue chairs.

Seriously, is there any bigger joy than not paying a lot for something ? Talking about which. Around this time good food and drink is always on sale, like this wine:

Which is a perfect Asscheap pairing with some plantains -- 59 cents a pound.

Also, another Assbike deal of the week, this time one sweet blingin' blue number :

Raleigh Ladies Bike - $50

And oh yeah, work sucks, I can't bike, but I set up the trainer and got in an hour. So I'm stuck at 13 hrs. 87 to go ?

Thursday, January 12, 2006


I got in 2 hrs today and yesterday, between the CNE and bootin' around town. With the fixie now fucked I did the miles on my usual ride (all in tha 39x14). I did tho rig up a rear fender for the usual ride -- mainly as a courtesy to those I'm riding with.

But with the good weather I didn actually need it. It's just a MTB fender and some zip ties. The trick is it goes above the brake so clearance isn't an issue. The zip-ties merely support the fender and don't actually attach the fender to the bike, so it's easy to remove.

Yearly Total: 10 Hrs. (90 to go ?)

Monday, January 09, 2006

The Video Dog.

Who has time to watch all that Ass TV ? No One. That why there's the VIDEO DOG who fetches all the good highlights every week.


I thought I'd get some good saddle time with the relatively good weather:

(7 degrees on Thurs! mofos!)

But -- I'm still not down with controlling speed without brakes. The rear wheel totally tacoed when I hit a curb.

Skid stop. Ride done. Long walk. Assbike. Fuck Fuck.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Quick Update

I did another 2 hrs on the fixie. It feels easy and I know why. The gear (38x15) yields a tepid 29kph at 90 rpm. Still it might be worth it to do a certain number of base miles, since endurance has always been a weak point for me.

Rather than doing aimless miles until it gets warm, it makes sense to have something in mind. So say, 100 hrs of base miles before the end of Feb., though I think 80 is more realistic, given that it's only seven weeks away.

Yearly total: 6hrs

Also Broken Social Scene is lame. There I said it. Sorry post-hipsters with asymmetrical haircuts; I cannot be your friend.

Assbike Song: Portland Oregon

Country artists tend to get cheesy later in their career, so when something like an indie influence comes along it can turn things around and open up a new market as well. The obvious exampe is Rick Rubin and the recordings with Johnny Cash.

This week's Assbike sond is from Loretta Lynn's Van Lear Rose. This week's track Portland Oregon (5.8 mb) with Jack White (White Stripes). Duets and slide guitar, go so well together.

Hear/read more here : Loretta Lynn Review.


Friday, January 06, 2006

Spinning class

Okay a quick update: Wed. night I went out for 2 hrs on the fixed gear hybrid. Since you can't coast it's like spinning class, except it doesn't cost $10 an hour and there is the real danger of getting flattened by an SUV or wiping out on streetcar tracks. Oh yeah it was pouring rain, but it was warm (like +5C), if winter stays like that I can handle it.

Spinning the fixie for 2hrs+ isn't taxing (38x15 gear), so it remains to be seen if this has any sort of fitness payoff (doubtful). Hopefully there's a time/intensity trade-off here, even if it's easy you're still pushin' the whole time.

Yearly total: 4hrs.

Thursday I did jack, well I rode to Canadian Tire to buy a clock radio and then had an Americano at Jet Fuel.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Assbike Deal: World Bicycle Relief

World Bicycle Relief is raising money to provide assbikes to Tsunami survivors in Sri Lanka.

Their website states that "bicycles will measurably assist in returning adult refugees to independence and in re-establishing their livelihood. Bikes will also assist children, many of whom now have increased commutes, to stay in school."

As Assbike Magazine has always said. An assbike is a cheap and fun way to increase a person's ability to carry load and travel independently; maybe by over 4 or more times compared to walking.

The Power of Bicycles

And it's not just the staff of Assbike Magazine, that's turing assbikes into huge profits. A Sri Lankan Assbiker can regain 3 or more hours a day with which they can use to work, go to school or just chill.

"Before getting a bicycle, I used to walk to school. It would take me 45 minutes. Now I can ride and reach the school within 15 minutes. I now get to school on time and have been appointed special status leader."
-M.P. Harsha Dias, Grade 9, Kaluara.

"I am a Midwife. I look after 450 pregnant woman and then visit every house with children in the village, about 3000 people. I travel by bus and foot. Recieving a bicycle will help me tremendously. Currently I can visit about 10 houses per day. With the bicycle I can probably double that."

$62.00 pays for one adult male bike. If you can, help WorldBicycle Relief (this is the link) get more Tsunami survivors assbikes, and help them achieve independence.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Pantsuit Party

Six weeks of sittin' on my ass has caught up w. me, so today was the first day of training for the 2006 season. I'm not sure if I should turn this into a lame ass training diary, but we'll see -- it would keep me honest.

The fixed gear hybrid makes for a workable training bike. It's January and chumps be lining up to pay big bucks at a gym; when a workable assbike it the only personal trainer you need.

It was warm and dry enough to do 2 hrs in the CNE and booting around the city, plus the lack of more gears means you have the luxury of freedom from choice. Assbikin' is the only way to eyeball the city and make some mental notes for places to check out later.

I even ran into friend of mine from undergrad I hadn't seen in year.

And I did have another lucky sighting, the Leather Uppers, one the best live bands I've ever seen has reformed and has a rare rare show this Friday.

The dazzling, frantic, pantsuit wearing panic-rockers will light up the fretboard this Friday at the Smiling Buddha 961 College Street (near Dovercourt).