Free Dirt on my Street

The park in front of my house is a center of weirdass neighborhood activity. Last week trucks dumped off a ton of mulch and Saturday moning was the mulch spreading party. I got the notice for that.



Today a truck dumped a heap of dirt and all afternoon people have been coming with buckets and tubs and cars loading up on dirt. How do they know there is dirt for the taking ? Is it even for the taking ? Are they just stealing dirt ?

Maybe I just missed the notice.

The Toronto Cheap Drink Guide

Loyal Assbike Magazine reader, THIS! is what the internet is good for. (And, hopefully will be useful this holiday season when you need to get yr buzz on)

Thanks to stilepost:
The Toronto Drink Special Compendium

I'd tried to mave a similar list in the past, but really you need the collective input of all of society to provide the content (the "web 2.0 philosophy").

(I reproduced the list below - you never know when that link could disappear, but check the link for updates)

PS. Also be aware it's not 100% accurate. Asean Buffet for example no longer exists.

ALL THE TIME:
*magpie - $3.50 domestic bottles - Dundas W of Bathurst
*751 - $3.50 Jack & Cokes (and other shots/drinks!) $3 Mill St. Beers - 751 Queen St. W
*Piccadilly's - $7 pitchers - College St. E of Bathurst (across from Sneaky Dee's)
*Bistro - Sun-Tues $8 pitchers / $1 Shots - Wed-Sat $10 pitchers / $2 shots - College St.
*12:30 - $4 half pitchers / $8 pitchers - Bloor E of Ossington
*Squirly's - $2.99 domestic beers, $4.50 imports - Queen W.
*Bovine Sex Club - $3 drinks before midnight - Queen E of Bathurst
*Social - $3.50 pints of 50 (Cover some nights) closed mondays - Queen W of Dovercourt
*Woody's - $3.75 cocktails (doubles $5.75), $4 beers, $11 pitchers, until 8pm - Church S. of Wellesley
*Asean Buffet - $2.50 domestic bottles - College E. of Spadina
*Gorilla Monsoon - $10 pitchers/$4 pints (11.70/4.70 w/taxes) of "Cool" brand beer from 4-7. - Queen E of Spadina
*Ikea - $3.75 pints of carlsburg - Sheppard/Leslie
*Volo - $4 pints - Yonge/Wellesley
*Wild Wings - $7 pitchers or $2.50 pints till 8pm. After 10pm: Pitcers $10, Pints $3.50 - Pape/Danforth.

MONDAY:

* Insomnia - $3 pints - Bloor E of Bathurst
* Gladstone Hotel - $4 pints - Karaoke - Queen W and Gladstone
* Wide Open - 2-for-1 drinks before Midnight - Spadina S of Richmond
* Squirly's - $3 Margueritas (plus "all the time" specials) - Queen W.
* Souz Dal - $3.95 cocktails (Reg $7.95) - College and Grace
* Tortilla Flats - $3 Daiquiries - Queen W. of Spadina
* Bryden's - $3 pints $9 pitchers - Jane & Bloor
* Kubo Radio - 'Chicken Balls & Beer Night' - $3 pints of Mill Street. Queen E, west of Logan.


TUESDAY:

* Souz Dal - $3.95 cocktails (Reg $7.95) - College and Grace
* Hooters - $2.50 domestic bottles - John and Adelaide
* Bovine Sex Club - $2.50 drinks before midnight - Queen E of Bathurst


WEDNESDAY:

* Serf n' Turf @ The Queenshead - $3 Domestic Beer after 10:30pm - DJs - Queen W of Bathurst
* Sneaky Dee's - $2.50 bottles of Brick Beers- College and Bathurst
* Labyrinth - $3.50 martinis ($4 cover) - Brunswick S of Bloor
* Gypsy Co-op - $5 martinis ($5 cover after 10:30) - Queen W of Bathurst
* Tortilla Flats - $2.75 bottles - Queen W. of Spadina
* Velvet Underground - $2.50 drinks before midnight (No cover) - DJs - Queen W., E of Bathurst
* Hey Lucy - $3.50 Martinis- King & John


THURSDAY:

* Labrynth Lounge - $2.50 drinks before midnight - DJ - Brunswick S of Bloor
* O'Grady's - $3 domestic bottles and pints, $3 shots - 171 College St.
* Tortilla Flats - $3 Margueritas - Queen W. of Spadina
* Eintein - $8.50 pitchers - College E. of Spadina


FRIDAY:

* Dance Cave - $2.75 drinks before 11:30 - Bloor W. of Spadina
* Neutral - $3.00 beers before 12am, $4.00 after - College and Augusta
* Phoenix - $2.50 domestic bottles and mixed drinks (and probably shots too) until 1am. no cover for women all night - Sherbourne N of Carlton
* ??? - $2 Beers and Drinks, $1 Shots till Midnight - 526 Queen Street West.
* Crystal Room - $3 domestics and bar rail before 11:30 ($5.75 after) - $3 cover before 11:30 ($5 cover after 11:30) - 567 Queen W at Protland


SATURDAY:

* Dance Cave - $2.75 drinks before 11:30 - Bloor W. of Spadina
(could be wrong... can someone verify?)
* 751 Queen W - $3.50 pints $2.50 shots (free beer somenights) - LFK, pwyc before 12:00, $5 after - 751 Queen W. (duh!)


SUNDAY:

* Squirly's - $17 for Pitcher and a Pizza - Queen W.
* Souz Dal - $3.95 cocktails (Reg $7.95) - College and Grace
* Bedhead @ The Queenshead - $10 pitchers (domestic) - DJs - Queen W of Bathurst
* Asean Buffet - $2.50 domestic bottles and $4.99 BUFFET! - College E. of Spadina

Eyeglasses stores are for suckers

I was pointed to this blog : Glassy Eyes from Boing Boing.

Eyeglasses stores are for suckers backstory.

A few weeks ago I had to get a new pair of glasses when the frame I've had for years finally broke.

I bought my last pair of glasses YEARS ago at Specs on Bloor for almost $500 (about $250 ea. for frames and lenses), so that's where I went back, hoping they'd have spare parts (yah right).

Even though I'd kinda soured on them - the coating on the $260 primo-brand lenses started shedding in a few months. The $125 Chinatown lenses (Fuji Optical) turned out to be way better.

They have a decent selection, but, like shoes, whenever you spot the one that's a little bit nicer, stylish without being tacky; it's always $100 more than the others.

At Specs on Bloor, the prices aren't marked on the frames, this makes it hard to comparison shop. You only know the real price when everything is tallied. The guy who works there is really patient and accomodating, he even installed the lenses while I waited. The service there has to be good. Once you've put him through all the work of dealing with you it's hard to back out of the purchase. That's how I rationalized my decision to not walk out of the store and to Toronto Western Hosptial or Chinatown, two places I know where I can get as good or a better product for less money. That, and I wanted them right away.

I ended up dropping $280 on a new frame, but I still can't get over the fact these days thanks to online shopping and ebay and craigslist $280 buys a hell of a lot. Lot more than an ordinary pair of glasses.

Buying glasses online is sounds tricky but I plan to try it out.

Some business are big time rackets, like dentistry, insurance or real estate and apparently ... shops that sell glasses.

Some rackets rely on instituionalizing the business, so that you are forced to deal only with authorized agents who have a strict agreement on how to do business and what to charge. Some do it by making it hard to shop around, but that kind racket is starting to crumble now that every douche has google and can find out what anythng should really cost.

Still I have a ongoing beef with dentistry. I need a teeth cleaning, but you can't just walk into a dentist's office and get a cleaning. You have to put up with half-assed checkups, x-rays, rectal probing and semi-annual boolsha, and get hit with massive bills when all you're looking for is cleaning (a cosmetic not medical procedure in my opinion) which is going to be done by a dental hygenist anyway.

I have one filling, and it was from a time I was getting regular check ups and x-rays, but because of their ineptitude I had to endure a wicked toothache and a expensive rootcanal anyways.

Sure there are teeth related issues that can be serious health problems, but there also skin related issues that are serious - and no one ever suggests that everyone should see a dermatologist every 6 months for a "check up".

If most people could get their teeth cleaned for a price which in comparable other trivial cosmetic services like haircuts and manicures, they would never have occasion to see a dentist.

This is my new ongoing project: Get my teeth cleaned without getting hosed.

Best free computer stuff

1)Firefox and Google: Google isn't a prgram, but it's almost an operating system in itself and it meshes well with the 'fox. This is good if you use Windows, because Windows doesn't come with anything useful. 'fox has the integrated search which links right to Wikipedia and IMDb and with the google toolbar you can do instant text searches on webpages and it auto completes search terms for you.

'fox also has these nifty plugins I use:
FireFTP, a GUI ftp client and
Sage an RSS reader/aggregator

they both work inside a firefox window/tab.

I got on the gmail train pretty early, and googletalk is awesome. Lately I've been using writely, google's online word processor.

When I heard about the idea of storing your files and using applications online, it sounded stupid, but now that's exactly what I do. I can move from compuer to computer, operating system to operating system and all my files and the programs I use are always there.

The reason I used writely in the first place is I didn't have a way to make pdfs (windows doesn't come with one). With writely you can save a file, convert it to pdf and and download it, all for free. I also use google calendar and google analytics to track y'all bitches reading this.

Along with the "Google Operating System" I use a bunch of programs, the common trait being they are all simple, small, fast and just do one set of tasks really well :

2)Foxit: I used to dread clicking on a pdf, that would launch acrobat which is like getting hit with a 20 sec timeout every time. If you're constantly opening and closng pdfs this can really bog yr ass down. Foxit is a superfast pdf reader, mainly because it doesn't load a whole bunch o crap APIs (whatev they is) on startup.

3)VLC: Is a tiny little program that will play almost any video. It supports subtitles and plays incomplete files -- two things Windows Media Player don't do.

I don't know if it's a deliberate effort, but all Apple software for windows (Quicktime, iTunes) is a virus. If you install Quicktime or iTunes on your Windows computer you will fuck it up. Wth VLC you can play .mov files without Quicktime (which you have to buy or steal - only the plugin is free) and you can play iPod video files.

4)Irfanview: This is another little program that does one thing, but really well. Irfanview is a picture viewer, but it also has easy tools for photo-manipulation. Simple but powerful. Messing with colours, sizes, cropping, tilting, effects, but it's not a drawing program. It also reads and saves in many formats. Irfan view can also batch process files, so you can resize and rename thousands of photos with one command and even generate a HTML thumbnail gallery. Unlike many other programs that do that, everything about the look and format of the gallery is customizable (with CSS of course!).

5)Foobar 2000: Foobar is a no-nonsense music player. It has a simple interface (with multiple playlist tabs!) and uses less memory than winamp. It also has some "smart" features winamp doesn't.

6)CDisplay: I'm not a huge comic book guy but I do have a few (mainly Tintin). CDisplay is a comic book viewer. Unlike plan ole text, to enjoy comics on the screen you have to exerience it in the same format and reproduction quality of the printed product.

Comic book people figured out the best way to store and read comics on a computer is scan the pages into sequential bitmap images (JPEGs) and zip them together and read them with a dedicated viewer. These are given the filename extension .cbz

CDisplay simply displays the pages on a FULLSCREEN using the FULL WIDTH of the monitor and lets you flip and scroll through the pages, as if you have the book in front of you. Powerpoint and Acrobat also let you see a document full in fullscreen mode, but since most documents don't have the same aspect ratio as a computer screen, they don't use the full width in full screen mode.

(left a PDF fullscreen, right CDisplay)

Everyone still pretty much stores documents and books as PDF, but it is hard to read a long document on the screen. Either the print is too small or it doesn't allow you to scan the page quickly enough. A viewer like CDisplay is the ideal way to read a book on the screen. Maybe the next Foxit will have this feature and maybe then e-books will really take off.

(CDisplay is no longer maintained by the original author, so the link goes not to the CDisplay page, but to the CDisplay Wikipedia entry. There are new versions and there is an open source version called CDisplayEx - which is what I use).

Asscheap Livin'

I came across this article a few days ago. To summarize:

What the Naïve Consumers Don’t Know, Can Help You
The two economics professors — Mr. Laibson at Harvard and Mr. Gabaix at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Princeton — have looked at how companies hide fees and costs. They found that sophisticated consumers have somehow learned how to game the system by having enough naïve consumers around to subsidize them.

The smartest strategy, they say, is for the sophisticated consumer to choose the service with the most hidden charges and highest add-on prices, but then avoid paying those added costs. “The sophisticated consumer takes advantage of that,” Mr. Gabaix said. “The naïve pay all the fees.”

No shit sherlock. You don't have to be a Harvard Professor to know that, you just have to be a cheap mofo. In fairness though -- the study claims that businesses don't expose their competitors hidden fees, because they would teach customers how to avoid the fees and lose them to the competitor. I guess some academic fraternity somewhere gives a rats.

I already know this when I'm standing in line at Loblaws behind the yuppie couple while they rings up $240 (and puts it on a credit card!); and on things like a twig of basil for $2.40 and chicken breasts for $10/lb. (Honkies will pay anything to avoid handling a bone). But who cares! it's cos of them I can get half price sushi every night after 9:00.

Another shifty scam is Happy Hour at Big Daddy's Crabshack. The food deals look awesome (because they are), but they nail you with $7 drinks (hose).

The Assbike way, get lubed up beforehand and then enjoy the $3.49 plate of mussels that the hard drinkin' cougars at the next table are paying for. Booyah.

New Project

I've been missing the Pinn, and wish I had a good little bike to boot around the city. I'm reminded of it everytime I see a nice fixie like this pic I found on Flickr.



I happened to run into my friend Marshall on my way home and he just GAVE me this great old Marinoni frame.



Marinoni, out of Montreal is the most well known Canadian custom bike builder. Judging by the rear triangle spacing this one is a mid-80s (or older) model, though the paint is newer.



When I was a kid all the local hotshots had custom steel bikes like this.

I really dig the outlined logos and 80s fade paint-job. I'm not nuts about lugged frames and whatnot, but the flat crowned fork with the cast in maple leafs is a work of art. And look at those reinforcing strips along the inside.

It has one big problem though. The downtube has a chunk ripped out of it :







and to top it off, I dropped the fork while carrying it home and dinged the steerer:



So I'll have to figure out how to deal with those two things. Then the question is how should it be built up ? Fixie or full-on orad bike and how much should I spend.

Interestingly, I saw this car in Kensington whihch has the same paintjob:



So it is possible to get a matching asscar.

Saddle Re-upholstery

For a while I've had a few saddles that lost their skin, since after all they lead a hard life. This project's been in the works for a whilie, but it didn't get off the ground until my friend Mark gave me a patch of goatskin I could use.

I used Lepage Contact Cement ($6), the non-solvent type, since it don't got tha stink (sorry I photographed the frog side of the tube).
The material is a thin leather, like you'd see gloves made with (I think that's where the term kid gloves comes from !).

Here's a step-by-step of the jobbie :



I cut the skin to size, I used the remnants of old covering as a guide (left pic). I glued up the main part of the saddle and stuck the skin on and pulled the ends (nose and tail) tight (centre pic). The material has to have some stretch to conform to the curve of the seat. Pulling it laterally didn't work. I pulled the excess leather at the nose into a point (right pic)



at the tail I pulled the leather back and glued it down (right pic). I used some masking tape to more or less hold it down (centre pic). I folded the corners in, and it actually looked not todally ass (right pic). It would be better to clamp the skin down, maybe with some clothes-pins, but I just let the glue go tacky (as in sticky, not as in a Liberace pantsuit) and that was enough to hold it in place.

and the final product:



The noticable mark is a crease in the leather that was there from being folded, but the result is acceptable. The skin is a bit loose tho', it would be nice if there was a way to prestretch the leather, so that it shrank and tightened up after it was glued. I guess the use of clamps would've helped in that dept.

It was ass cheap considering I only paid $6 for the tube of glue and 99 cent for the tape; esp. considering the saddle a San Marco Concor Light sells for at least $40.

I love this glue though, and the same way that to kid with a hammer, everything looks like a nail, I've hunting for other shit to glue.

Assbike: Lotions and Potions Edition

This is all about the secret lotions and potions that can be found at the Assbike Laboratories. Most of these are solutions to specific problems.

Loctite 242: Some bolts never stay tight, esp. stubby ones like shoe cleat bolts which lead a hard life. Loctite is some sorta magic potion, it starts out as a liquid, but when it's in an anaerobic enviroment (as in no air) it hardens into plastic. 242 is the medium strength threadlock, it locks bolts, but not so hard you can't undo them, and it also acts as an anti-seize. I always use Loctite 242 on my cleat bolts. Since shoe bolts are exposed to all the dirt and water, they are also prone to seizing, and often they get worn down from walking. Locite 242 will add 3 years to your life.

Some parts on a bike are pressed in, like the headset cups. They are pressed into the headtube. If you somehow enlarge that tube, like from a head-on crash, that usually means the frame is toast. But the alchemists at Loctite have a solution! Loctite 620 is the bearing reatiner. It's a liquid that hardens into plastic that will fill a gap where you need it. I sometimes also put a dab on the handlebar under the stem clamp (probably the one interface on a bike where failure will really fuck you hard) so that I don't have to clamp down the stem too hard (and risk damamge).



Bike shops sell grease at insane prices in teeny bike-sized portions. But the smart assbike mechanic buys a pot-o' wheel bearing grease at Canadian Tire for like five buck. Unless you run a bike shop or are the frontman for a Rockabilly band, you will have bought enough grease that your grandchildren will stand to inherit a lifetime's supply.

Another miracle potion comes from the Gunk corporation of Charlotte, North Carolina. All kindsa crap all seized and rusted up from being outside in ass ass Toronto weather? Liquid Wrench will set you free. It has saved my regal ass on more than one occasion.

This is powerful stuff. A little Liquid Wrench back in the day woulda made you the King of England.

Sword in the Stone ? Pshaw !

"Waxing one's chain" sounds like a euphemism for something dirty, but that literally what assbikin' gentlemen do.

Tacky grease stains on your pant leg or calf are strictly for rubes and simpletons. "Waxing" is certainly a throwback to the days of shoeshines and starched collars.

This is how it works. You remove all trace of grease from your drivetrain, esp. the chain. It's best to start with a new chain. Melt a block of paraffin wax in a can, then remove your chain and dip it in the wax. The reinstall it. It will look like it's sugarglazed or something, but you spin the cranks around a few times and the excess wax flakes off. Now your chain is wax-lubed. It will be smooth and quiet for the next two weeks, or until it gets wet. The beauty is the chain is dry to the touch and doesn't leave grease stains everywhere. The downside is you have to stick to this fortnightly regimen or your chain will squeak like a mofo and Italians will call you stronzi and mock your inferior stock.

Also: Advice for Assbike Magazine readers for this summer. Do not spend an afternoon sitting in the blazing sun, drinking beer and listening to the Best of Duran Duran. You will get seriously messed up.

Asscheap Cupholder

One generally over-rated west-coast boutique builder sells a way over priced cupholder.

Assbikin' just aint't fun when you have to balance yr cuppa or you have to pay more for your cupholder than you did from yr entire Assride.

The Assbike Magazine solution:

3-inch hose clamp
1 1/16-inch (26.9mm) hose clamp
(for my 26.4 mm Cinelli bars)

1 Roll Cat-eye Cotton tape.





Figuring out how this shit goes together isn't exactly rocket-science.



(Optional) Use the tape to cover up the metal and make it soft.

Voi-mf-la!



PS. I dig cateye cotton tape. I'm surprised you can still get this holdover from the 70s.



Gives a cool retro touch to any drop bar bike, it's sold by the single roll and it's cheap.