Finished Project: Sweat Equity

Before:


After:



I finally got off my ass and finished the Sweat Equity project bike.

Basically it involved stripping off almost everything and putting on a track cog and BMX chain. Total cash outlay about $20.

I figure I can flip it to some hipster who is tired of taking the bus from art classes to the Arcade Wolf concert for about $125.

Castro Hat and John Deere T-shirt not included.

Update: Craigslist rocks! I listed it 3:15 and it was gone by 4:50 !

Cut me some slack ...

This dude took even longer to hand in his thesis :



Brian May Hands in PhD Thesis

Assbike Project: Sweat Equity

I found this bike in the trash basically.



Nothing special, some 70s era Japanese bike which didn't seem to have had a lot of use, but had been neglected for a long time. But it looked like a good fixie candidate. It stripped down easily, and most of frame fittings were clamped on (not brazed on) so the result was a pretty clean bike.



It has a nice headtube medallion, but really this bike has no intrinsic value, but I think as a fixie I can flip it for $150 or more on Craigslist.



Here's the result, total expense $16 for a chain ($8) and to have the bike shop remove the cogs and replace it with a cog I had on another wheel ($8).

The ride is really quiet and smooth with the fat tires and all.



I will clean it up a bit and maybe make a few small changes before flipping to some hipster .... stay tuned.

New Photos

January - High of 9 degrees and no rain or snow. Yeehah, the Inconvenient Truth --> some convenient weather for biking around.



This one's from visualresistance.org :



... and I found these ones of flickr. Everything about this picture is perfect.



bikes outside a bar in NYC :








Someone gave us chocolates, and this one had math on it. Integratin' by parts ! It even looks like it's done on LaTeX.






Windows XP is so cool and businesslike, but search for something; it fires up the searchdog. The little dog that scrathes it's head and flips through a book while you wait.



..and here's my latest photo technique, collage. Greta eating chips.

Assbike: Lotions and Potions Edition

This is all about the secret lotions and potions that can be found at the Assbike Laboratories. Most of these are solutions to specific problems.

Loctite 242: Some bolts never stay tight, esp. stubby ones like shoe cleat bolts which lead a hard life. Loctite is some sorta magic potion, it starts out as a liquid, but when it's in an anaerobic enviroment (as in no air) it hardens into plastic. 242 is the medium strength threadlock, it locks bolts, but not so hard you can't undo them, and it also acts as an anti-seize. I always use Loctite 242 on my cleat bolts. Since shoe bolts are exposed to all the dirt and water, they are also prone to seizing, and often they get worn down from walking. Locite 242 will add 3 years to your life.

Some parts on a bike are pressed in, like the headset cups. They are pressed into the headtube. If you somehow enlarge that tube, like from a head-on crash, that usually means the frame is toast. But the alchemists at Loctite have a solution! Loctite 620 is the bearing reatiner. It's a liquid that hardens into plastic that will fill a gap where you need it. I sometimes also put a dab on the handlebar under the stem clamp (probably the one interface on a bike where failure will really fuck you hard) so that I don't have to clamp down the stem too hard (and risk damamge).



Bike shops sell grease at insane prices in teeny bike-sized portions. But the smart assbike mechanic buys a pot-o' wheel bearing grease at Canadian Tire for like five buck. Unless you run a bike shop or are the frontman for a Rockabilly band, you will have bought enough grease that your grandchildren will stand to inherit a lifetime's supply.

Another miracle potion comes from the Gunk corporation of Charlotte, North Carolina. All kindsa crap all seized and rusted up from being outside in ass ass Toronto weather? Liquid Wrench will set you free. It has saved my regal ass on more than one occasion.

This is powerful stuff. A little Liquid Wrench back in the day woulda made you the King of England.

Sword in the Stone ? Pshaw !

"Waxing one's chain" sounds like a euphemism for something dirty, but that literally what assbikin' gentlemen do.

Tacky grease stains on your pant leg or calf are strictly for rubes and simpletons. "Waxing" is certainly a throwback to the days of shoeshines and starched collars.

This is how it works. You remove all trace of grease from your drivetrain, esp. the chain. It's best to start with a new chain. Melt a block of paraffin wax in a can, then remove your chain and dip it in the wax. The reinstall it. It will look like it's sugarglazed or something, but you spin the cranks around a few times and the excess wax flakes off. Now your chain is wax-lubed. It will be smooth and quiet for the next two weeks, or until it gets wet. The beauty is the chain is dry to the touch and doesn't leave grease stains everywhere. The downside is you have to stick to this fortnightly regimen or your chain will squeak like a mofo and Italians will call you stronzi and mock your inferior stock.

Also: Advice for Assbike Magazine readers for this summer. Do not spend an afternoon sitting in the blazing sun, drinking beer and listening to the Best of Duran Duran. You will get seriously messed up.

Rare Groove Ride

I am weak. I bought another Assbike project on Craigslist even though I have about three other Assbike projects on the go. $50, I said to myself I'd easily recover the cost if I resold it -- but that might never happen. This is what it looked like when I picked it up.

It's an Atala, the frame sticker indicates it is made in Padova by the company founded by Cesare Rizzato. The "Campione del Mondo '84" sticker reveals it's a mid/late-80s model. One downside is that is equipped with NISI tubular rims.








I totally dig the Alfa Romeo style logo, there's even one stuck on the back of the seat tube.




I can tell from the details it is an entry-level racer; but it has some kinda tangible 80s Euro-mod vibe. Groovy yet budget concious.

It's basically the bike equivalent of this:




It has a sweet flat crown fork (mucho-retro), and much like a FIAT, workmanship is mediocre plus it has a funcky crank the likes of which I've never seen:



This bike calls for a definite theme, so these are the objects for inspiration :

and

and with a touch of:

Also, I got "tagged" for this "Fear of Fours" things. I avoid divulging the music and shit I'm into, because a lot of it falls into the "guilty pleasure" category, but here's a chance to pimp some of that stuff:


Four Jobs You Have Had in Your Life:
1. Lifeguard
2. Teaching Assistant
3. Grapple Grommet Tester
4. Car Rental Dude

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:
1. Life Aquatic
2. The Apostle
3. Dogtown and Z-Boys
4. When We Were Kings

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. Veronica Mars
2. Curb Your Enthusiasm
3. Real Time w. Bill Maher
4. Arrested Development

Four Albums You Can't Hear Too Often:
1. Jon Spencer Blues Explosion - Orange
2. Jesus and Mary Chain - Automatic
3. R.L. Burnside - Asspocket of Whiskey
4. Supersuckers - La Mano Cornuda

Four Places You Have Lived
1. North of Bloor
2. South of Bloor
3. On Bloor
4. In tha 'ga

Four Places You Have Been on Vacation
1. New Orleans
2. Edmonton
3. Calcutta
4. Los Angeles

Four Websites You Visit Daily
1. cyclingnews
2. Salon
3. Daily Dose of Imagery
4. Boing Boing

Four of Your Favourite Foods
1. Ice Cream
2. Caprese Salad
3. Raisin bread
4. The humble potato



For your daily dose of bling ... check it out ... Golden Boy Tom Boonen IS the David Beckham of cycling, here's his helmet, embedded with one 1.18 carat diamond.

Finally here's an Assbike Song for Saturday: Shake 'Em On Down (Live) by R.L.Burnside.

Trash Heap Bike

I rescued this white Peugeot hybrid from a snowdrift a few weeks ago.



I really just wanted the handlebars for the Porn shop hybrid, but I realized the whole bike was there including fully functional brakes. So now it's parked in the Assbike workshop awaiting reincarnation.

So far I've added that seatpost ($18). As mentioned before the Biopace rings make it pretty much unworkable as a fixed and making it a single requires some sort of device to take up the chainslack (like this), and buying one would go against the Assbike ethos. So I had the enviable job of going through the trash to find the rusty derailleur I'd tossed a week ago.



Changing topics: One accessory I highly recommend is this Ray-o-vac 15 minute battery charger. This thing is badass; when you plug this baby in it fires up like a 747, then in a few minutes your batteries are done, well done, and you pop 'em out nice and toasty. It's like an espresso maker that makes batteries. The charge lasts a days on my digital camera which eats up regular ass-Duracells in a few hours. If you have a digital camera you need one of these.

$15 Porn Shop Hybrid

Assbike Magazine scores! I picked up this sleeper for $15 from the Craiglist classifieds. I bought it from a dude who lives above a porn shop.

Most bike purists hate hybrids, but I've always liked them. They're more ridable than full-on road bikes and not as over built as mtn. bikes. And really a hybrid is just a more relaxed cross bike, and pursits love cross bikes.



I dig: The 700c wheels, 28mm slicks, well built steel frame and slim fenders. The wheels are surprisingly well built and the headset is totally buttah.

As you can see, the handlebar has snapped in half, in a crash. Despite this I managed to ride this home. Of course this means there is no rear shifter or brake.

I have a one-piece (Cameron I think) bar-stem which will be perfect for this project.



I picture the build as a lightweight crosser with a flat bar, what I was thinking the Wheeler was going to be. (This officially means the Wheeler project is put on hold).

The one downside is that it has a threaded rear hub instead of a cassette.

Project: Beardman Bike

When I lived on Spadina my neighbor "Beardman" left me his old bike. Cottered cranks and coaster brake.



Most of the paint was sanded off and the Beardman is taller than me, and the seatpost is stuck way high for me.



I do dig the Two-Tone paint job and this may have to be reproduced. The Pinn is too racy and high-maintainence to be a true Assbike, so stay tuned as this get built up into an kick ass city bike. Step 1) Get that seatpost out (aka. the Assbike equivalent of the sword in the stone.

Winter Assbike Project

I have an old Wheeler mtn. bike frame (Tange Prestige OS). When the seatpost got stuck inside I tried to cut it away with a hacksaw blade, and tried to pry the remnants of the post out of the frame. But no luck, and in fact I pierced the seattube a bit in the process.

But this would make a great winter Assbike. Soft wide tires will be a lot more sure footed in the snow and ice than the 23/28mm tires on the Pinn.

Today I finally took it to Biseagal (I should've snapped a before pic) to have the remnants of the seatpost pulled out of the frame and have the seattube reamed.

The shop looks promising. They are in an industrial building near Gerrard and Carlaw. They do framework and they have a milling machine and drill presses on the shop floor! It's one of the few places in Toronto where they can do this kind of stuff. Very few shops do this kind of thing, either it's not cost effective or they don't have the equipment or expertise.

I'm picturing this as a lightweight 'cross/hybrid build, rigid fork, V-brakes. Stay tuned as a build up this Assbike before the deep freeze hits.

If this repair goes well I'll also have Biseagal replace the cracked dropout on the Pinn. I almost sold this bike, but I forgot that the frame was cracked!

My Assbike

The summer assbike project. Steel Pinnarello frame, Campy Super Record crank and 18T BMX freewheel. Other nice parts like Cinelli stem and Cateye cotton bar tape.


Like all my assbikes, it is for sale $390.